Four years gone...

My father's parents are buried at the VA cemetery in southeast Leavenworth.  I visited them a month ago, on the anniversary of Grandpa's passing.

My father had requested for his ashes to be scattered at his favorite campsite, and places along the Current River in southeast Missouri.
So there's no marker, no gravestone for me to sit down beside.
..and even if there was, it would be three hundred miles away.
So there's no way for me to do like the lines in MM#43 - Grown Men Don't Cry
...
So many things I want to say to him
I just placed a rose on his grave and I talked to the wind
...


Today marks four years since his passing. 

And there was a conversation we never had.  Several, actually.

Quoting from Monday's MM#97...Something To Be Proud Of...
...
Dad, I wonder if I ever let you down
If you're ashamed how I turned out
...

* the one where he would ask me how things got so ****ed up.  I didn't know that he knew how bad it had gotten...
* the one where he would tell me that he was going to do something *huge* to fix it.  It passed on to my brother to tell me the details.
* the one where I would've had the opportunity to thank him.  For everything.  Not only the huge thing, but for the good things he'd done, the years of working so damn hard so we had a good start.
* the one where I could tell him that everything was alright.  (When it happened, I said "now my father can finally rest in peace.")

* the one where we could talk about the Chiefs FINALLY winning a playoff game for the first time in over 20 years; the one where we could talk about the Royals going to World Series in back-to-back years after over 20 years without.
* the one where I would've introduced my grandson to him.
* the one where I'd talk about the new/old overcrowding issues in the state prisons and say I'm glad you're not working there.
* the one where I would've thanked him for telling me NOT to get in the family business.

I don't know what he would've said.

I miss you, Dad.