Saturday, May 16, 2015

Expiration date

Psalm 90:12
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

The folks at social security have a form online that gives you your life expectancy, based on age and gender.  And based on that, I'm running out of time.

Well, we all are.

I'm 34, and feeling un accomplished.  Father of four living a typical suburban life.  But I'm not famous, I'm not in politics (anymore), and no one asks my advice or seeks my leadership.

Shouldn't I be further along? Shouldn't I be somebody™ ?

I have spent the better part of two decades believing that I was meant to do great, world changing, awesome things. Like Daniel, "they that know their God shall be strong and do exploits." And Acts "these are the men who turned the world upside down."

But, here I am, in Kansas, not sure whether I'm making a difference, and seeing the sands in my personal hourglass with every gray hair.

I'm freaking out. What am I supposed to be doing? This world is full of problems, pain, suffering, confusion, and wicked stepfathers.

I have one project for the long term. The quiver. My four children.

And, quoting my pastor, the question is faithfulness. Being faithful in what I've been trusted with - not only the money, but the much more important, my children. My marriage.

Maybe there is that great destiny out there for me. Maybe that one fellow was right. (And if he is, I'm going to have to resist the urge to visit Cadiz aka Tarshish)

But that can sort itself out. If God has more for me to do, He knows my phone number. My wife needs me. My children need me.

And in case you're wondering, if the actuaries are right, I've got 48 years left.

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