Isolation and Irrelevance

15 years ago, I talked to a friend of mine about some of the problems I was having with living at college. I felt like an outsider, without strong relationships with my classmates, my friends from the various groups I attended, et cetera. And when I say talked I mean wrote letters longhand. And several of them were tear- stained, something that's odd even for me. I didn't really get an answer from my friend, and I spent most of the last 15 years struggling with perceived isolation and perceived irrelevance.

I felt this way about several of my jobs, including my eight years as a programmer in Leavenworth. I was the youngest , I was the one who wasn't buying new cars new trucks big houses and I have to concede that a jealousy hit hard those days. I still have problems with jealousy  - ask my wife how I feel about the Legends shopping center. (Like a lactose intolerant ice cream truck driver, or just so painfully jealous that I never never want to go there again.)

The young adults group at the church in St. Joseph was another example of me being the outsider. Young with family, many miles away, and not part of the old group, I wasn't one of them.

Then we have perhaps my best-case of dream becomes a nightmare, city of Severance. The only geek in the town. The only Big Town guy in a very very small town, or at least it felt like it. The only reason I was on the city council was because there was an opening there and the city was short on volunteers. They didn't ask me for advice. For various reasons they tried to get me off the council at several times, and I suppose reasonably so. For various reasons I'm very glad we got out of Severance and I promise you no one misses me.

And then there was my blog. Two of them. With very very few comments or readers. Just proof that my ideas were either irrelevant, or no one wants to change their mind (yeah, no one does)

I'm lost my confidence on my skills and opinions, so I've got no point speaking my mind if I'm not even sure I'm right. Hard enough to persuade when one is persuaded.

So what is it? Was it being homeschooled that possibly affected me? Or the attempted following of Gothard ? (imagine Duggars with an alcoholic father) Or being a genius and therefore accelerate ahead of my peers? (high school graduate 15, bachelor's graduate 19)
Or being the adult child of a now deceased alcoholic?

But this has been a problem for years...

I want to be somebody.

America the Great?

Is America a great nation?

I hear many people wanting to talk about how America was once great and is now not great, or how America has fallen from greatness. And I'm left to wonder, how do you define greatness?

Possible answers:

Economy. Gross national product, exports, per capita income, upward mobility, strong middle class, low income inequality, employment, low inflation??

Military strength.  Largest army, most advanced weapons, plenty of nukes in the silos, winning the wars the nation chooses to fight?

Is it defined by following a moral code, or by religion?  Is it because America is good? Being a "Christian nation", whatever the hell that means? Leading the world in the new morality, treating everyone with equality? Holding on to the old morality? More progressive? More socialist? Less progressive? Less socialist? Low crime? High adherence to a religion "and I don't care what it is"

To those who claim that we were born a Christian Nation, although I understand your arguments in favor of that, I have to question how deep the Christian ethic sunk in, in a nation whose history is splattered with the blood drawn from the whip on the back of the black man, and the blood of the red man as we crossed the borders and broke every treaty we made with them. 

Fifteen years

’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.

Fifteen years ago, the adventure of married life began.  And today, at the church I currently attend, I'll be renewing my vows with my wife.

	November 2000, engaged
	April 2001, wedding pictures
	August 2007
	May 2013
	April 2016

2nd Title. 1st Commandment

Several months ago, the Royals won the World Series. There was a parade. And the largest crowd Missouri had ever seen came to celebrate the Royals victory on Tuesday, November 3.

A friend of mine felt that the adoration and celebration of that 800,000 fan crowd constituted idolatry.

Was it idolatry?  Let's go to the dictionary.

Idolatry. 1) The worship of idols, images, or any thing made by hands, or which is not God.
(Not really the applicable definition, let's go to...)

2) Excessive attachment or veneration for anything, or that which borders on adoration [defined by this dictionary as "the act of paying honors to a dive being; the worship paid to God; the act of addressing as a God / Homage paid to one in high esteem; profound reverence."]
So...thank you, Noah Webster, it comes down to a question of whether we're worshipping our sports heroes/teams...
Worship...To adore, to pay divine honors to, to reverence with supreme respect and veneration.
In my opinion...I wouldn't call attendance at a victory parade for a league championship a violation of the 1st Commandment.
BUT... it goes to the same question about any hobby or interest...at what point is it too much. Parade? Season tickets? Road trips to follow the club? I leave that to the conscience of my reader.

Everything bagel

Leadership requires initiative, and that is my weak spot.

Holy week begins tomorrow. Next Sunday out church is having a sunrise service. I'm very excited.

Some people have a problem with Easter and how the church may have included some unholy things in celebrating resurrection.  All I want in my celebration of the resurrection is 1) Sunrise service. 2) "Up From The Grave He Arose!!" 3) Biscuits and gravy. 4) A deep appreciation of our blessed hope of resurrection and all that that means.

A year ago, our family moved into our current residence in north-central Leavenworth. The house is one of the many blessings I am aware of, and a reminder that Good loves me. I also mark it as the end of my personal "Great Tribulation"

Looks like I'm probably starting my new job week after next. Not sure about dress code except there's an orange apron involved.

Manipulation

"Well, I...I want to believe.  But..."
"But you don't wanna be bamboozled.  You don't wanna be led down the primrose path.  You don't wanna be coonned or duped, have the wool pulled over your eyes.  Hoodwinked.  You don't wanna be taken for a ride, railroaded."

There are some commercials that I can't stand.  Pretty much any car insurance commercial.  "Switch to us, because people who switched saved $$."  Yeah, but that doesn't tell me whether you offer insurance on me, 35yo Male, with XXX car and XXX recent driving record more cheaply than my current provider, XXX.  Or the ones that talk about accident forgiveness...so, does someone with a perfect driving record want to be treated the same as someone with a single accident, or not?  It's a hedge on the bet that car insurance is...

Or...the exercise machine that offers 5x calorie burn.  5x of what?  Well, it has a downhill walking slope option, which burns a few calories.  And it's got a extremely high walking slope, which burns 5x as many calories.  But that commercial drives me crazy.

And...do you need a lawyer for (bad drug / bad medical implant / car wreck / etc.)  ...

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Then there's the clickbait.  You won't believe what this person did?  Twenty ways to do that (#5 is awesome!)  This is the latest sign of the end times!

Tell me, or don't.  I'm one of the people who gets more tired of click-bait crap than others.  And, if you're sharing something on facebook from (any of a hundred websites), I'm not seeing it, because that site is already too political-sexy-stupid-clickbaity for it to clutter my newsfeed.  Which of course leaves me with a very slow-moving newsfeed with < 150 friends, but better that than me putting my fist through my phone.

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And another thing.  Powerball.  The most egregious case of a tax on the mathematically challenged.  About every ten years or so, you mess with the number of balls to make the jackpot more rare, making it higher and higher, until earlier this year, the jackpot (sum of payments over 29 years IF you're the only winner) crossed the billion-dollar mark.  Before tax.  I expect that I'll be writing my state rep & senator the next time they have to vote on renewing the lottery and tell them not to.  And I don't expect them to listen because the state has become hooked on another revenue stream.  The odds are terrible, and it's inappropriate for a state to be fleecing its citizens like that.

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But...what leg do I have to stand on?  My social media is a highlight reel as well.  I don't talk about certain dark parts of my life, except in a vague "that was then this is now" phrase that implies that I know better now.  God I hope so.

quid est veritas - What is truth?

Maranatha and a question

Perhaps most of my posts tagged "truth" should've been renamed Marantha.  (EDIT:  Actually, not that many.  I've already added that category.)
  Maranatha - come quickly.  Most often used in reference to the Second Coming of Christ.
  Although I doubt the modern prophets and their interpretations of current events...I find great hope in our blessed hope.  The hope of the resurrection of the dead.  The hope of the return of Christ.  The hope of the Creator restoring all things.  The hope God has given to us about a future with Him.
  As I read my Bible, my blessed hope isn't exactly "go to heaven when we die."  It's better.

  How do you reconcile 2 Peter 3:10  Revelation 21 with the parable of the vineyard?  And is the moaning creation of Romans 8 - is it a wounded creature waiting for a merciful killshot, or waiting for God's hand to restore, to hear God say "it is good"?


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Monday Melody

Kristian Stanfill
Even So Come

All of creation
All of the earth
Make straight a highway
A path for the Lord
Jesus is coming soon

Call back the sinner
Wake up the saint
Let every nation shout of your fame
Jesus is coming soon

Chorus: Like a bride waiting for her groom
We'll be a Church ready for you
Every heart longing for our King
We sing

Even so come
Lord Jesus, come

Even so come
Lord Jesus, come

There will be justice
All will be new
Your name forever
Faithful and true
Jesus is coming soon

Repeat Chorus

So we wait
We wait for You
God we wait
You're coming soon

So we wait
We wait for You
God we wait
You're coming soon

Repeat Chorus 2x

Even so come
Lord Jesus, come

(Repeat 4x)